Hope this makes you smile... EVER WONDER where we are headed...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND.....
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary... Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap". (And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost"... (But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (And you thought????..)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (And.....I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to.....what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts". (Talk about a news flash!
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts". (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
6. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
7. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"
8. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
9. Say all of the words in a film.
10. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!!!"
11. Wear a sticker that says "I'm a retard!"
12. Talk to a pen.
13. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.
14. Try and climb the wall.
15. In public yell "NO MUM I WILL NOT clip ur toenails"
16. Put pegs on your nose and eyes.
17. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"
18. Eat your hair.
19. Hold their hand and whisper to them "I see dead people."
20. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!!!!"
21. At everything they say yell "LIAR!!"
22. Pretend to be a phone.
23. Try to swim in the floor.
24. Tap on their door all night.
25. When they say a word from a song you know...burst into that song.
26. Look through magazines and shout loudly "BRITTANY IS MARRIED TO A CAVE MAN!" and other random things.
27. Take all of the toilet paper from the bathroom and try to sell it to your parents!
28. Pass out bananas
29. Ask how much is 1 Hershey's kiss
30. Skip down the aisles singing "I've been working on the railroad......"
31. Hand out missing person fliers of yourself
32. Say "thats hot!" after EVERY thing you say.
33. Camp out in the frozen food section.
34.Ask someone where the cereal is when you're standing right next to it.
35. Give random old people your number
36. Go around asking people if their mother knows what they're doing.
37. Go up to someone and tell them their face is funny and run away.
38. Yell mango
39. Stand in front of a store, not letting anyone in
40. Call yourself nicknames like tree and nerd and hoppy
41. Say their name until they answer you and say "Hi!" and run off.Also can say their name repeadadley until they answer, then say Hi! If they dont say Hi back, say their name repeatedley again. then when they say 'what???' tell them it's not polite to not say hi back to a person who has just said hi to you.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!
Tarnsltoin
Only smart people can read this. couldnt believe that i could actually understand what i was reading.the phenomenal power of the human mind,according to the research of Cambridge University. It doesn't matter what order the letters in a word are,the only important thing is that the first and the last letter be in the right place.the rest can be a total mess and you can still read it without a problem. This is because the human mind does not read every letter by itself, but the word as a whole.Amazing huh? yeah and i always thought spelling was important! if you can read this pass it on!
female comebacks - I read this and found some of them funny.
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. .... ... .. . Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. . .. ... .... Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. .... ... .. . Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. .... ... .. . Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. . .. ... .... Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. .... ... .. . Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. . .. ... .... Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today .... ... .. . Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? . .. ... .... Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. .... ... .. . Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together . .. ... .... If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost this.... .... ... .. . If you don't resend this then your love life will be [[doomed]] for eternity. . .. ... .... CHICKS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks" .... ... .. . DUDES REPOST THIS AS "don't let this happen
