Dearest RC, you all suck The trolls will get you, with any luck You'll be too embarrassed to show your face But that's okay because you're such a disgrace You'll slink away to Restricted Chat Eat cookies and milk, and get really fat You'll bash the newbs and whine about their mail You'll overuse the phrase "epic fail" You'll suck up to their members to fit in with the rest But that's okay, because that's what you do best.
Pick the month you were born: January-------I ate February------I bit March--------I laughed at April----------I kissed May----------I hugged June----------I sniffed July-----------I danced with August--------I sang with September----I screamed at October-------I slept on a November-----I ran over December-----I punched Pick the day you were born on: 1-------A grasshopper 2-------A piece of paper 3-------A pillow 4-------My Sister 5-------A worm 6-------A phone 7-------My school bag 8-------A mom 9-------my Best Friends Dad 10-------my Neighbor 11-------my Maths Teacher 12------- ELMO!!! 13-------a Fireman 14-------a Toad 15-------a Goat 16-------a Pickle 17------- your Mummy 18-------a Spoon 19-------a smurf 20-------a Baseball Bat 21-------a Ninja 22-------Britney Spears 23-------a Noodle 24-------a Squirrel 25-------a Balloon 26-------my Sister 27-------my Brother 28-------an I-pod 29-------a Surfer 30-------a Llama 31-------A Homeless Guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: White---------because I'm cool like that Black---------because that's how I roll. Pink-----------because I'm crazy. Red-----------because the voices told me to. Blue-----------because I'm ah-mazing and I do what I want Green---------because I think I need some serious help. Purple---------because I'm AWESOME! Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader. Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars Orange--------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway. Brown---------because I can.. Other----------because I'm a Ninja! None----------because I can't control myself!
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4.Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound broccoli is sooo and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera.
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
