When you laugh, I laugh. When you cry, I cry. When you jump off a cliff... I laugh

VIOLENCE If it ain't solving your problems, you're not using enough of it.

Nah, I'm perfectly normal. It's you guys who are insane.

I was walking on the road of life... I got hit by a car.

Cats have 9 lives, people have 1. Mess with me, and you'll have none

There's too much blood in my caffeine system :\

If we really are what we eat, then nuts must be a popular food.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect so why practice?

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness obviously didn't have enough.

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.

I like pie.

It's not a sea cucumber, it's a sea pickle!

Like me or leave me. Hey, where's everyone going?

Cannibalism is a sin, unless you're a vegetable.

I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.

That's all for now, more coming when I think of more