JOKES:


1."Honey," a man says to his wife, "I invited a friend over for dinner." "Are you crazy?" she screams. "The house is a mess, the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking!"
"I know all of that," he replies.
"Why invite him, then?" she asks.
The man answers,"The poor fool is thinking about getting married!"

2.A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is.
"Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I'm in the doghouse."
"What kind of question?" the neighbor asks.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," says the neighbor. "You just say, 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah," says the other man, "that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"

3.A man traveled from Chicago to Florida in order to prepare for a vacation with his wife. He arrives at the hotel and decides to send an e-mail to his wife's office, but didn't write down the address. Remembering as best he could he sent the message. He missed by one letter and sent the message to a preacher's wife who had just lost her husband. She glances at the e-mail, reads it and drops dead. The message says:
"Dear Honey, Everything is being prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Hope to see you soon. Your Loving Husband.
P.S. It sure is hot down here."

4.An Elf and an Orc talking to each other. The Elf says:
"Why are you orcs so dirty!?"
"We're not dirty! We wash every day!" answers the Orc." On the first day we wash our left hands. On the second day we wash our right hands. On the third day we wash our left leg. On the forth day we wash our right legs. On the fifth day we wash our faces. On the sixth day we wash our asses. And of the seventh day we change the water!"

5.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one
for the road."

6.There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest. And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, I want a motercycle helmet. And he go