1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."

5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____

6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."

5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____

6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!"

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with

1. Clown Potato
2. 100 mps
3. Clown Shirt
4. 200 mps
5. 250 mps
6. 500 mps
7. 600 mps
8. Balloon Sword
9. 850 mps
10. 1,000 mps
11. 1,100 mps
12. Clown Attack
13. 1,200 mps
14. Jack in the Box
15. 1,300 mps
16. 1,500 mps
17. Balloon Shield
18. 2,500 mps
19. 5,000 mps
20. 10,000 mps
21. Circus Plushie
22. 25,000 mps
23. 30,000 mps
24. Balloon Costume (and Balloon Avvie)
25. 40,000 mps
26. 50,000 mps
27. Circus Stamp
28. 75,000 mps
29. Clown History Book
30. Green Zoosh Potion and 100,000 mps! YES! I FINISHED

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4.Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound broccoli is sooo and ask for a date.

13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.

16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.

18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

21. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.

22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.

28. Ask people what gender they are.

29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place t

1. Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
2. What???s another word for synonym?
3. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
4. If Barbie is so popular, then why do we have to buy her friends?
5. What happens if you get scared half to death??? twice?
6. If you can???t repair the brakes, make the horn louder.
7. ???Everything has a purpose", she said for no reason at all.
8. I haven't lost my mind. It's backed up on a disc somewhere???
9. What is a "free gift?" Aren't gifts already free?
10. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
11. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
12. Before they invented "drawing boards" what did they go back to?
13. Chaos, panic & disorder...My work here is done.
14. Don't drink and drive, you might spill your drink.
15. Hard work never hurt anybody, but why even take the chance?
16. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, then I ain't going.
17. Fall in love? I'd rather fall in chocolate.
18. Friends don't set friends on fire.
19. ???Operator! Quick, give me the number for 911!!???
20. Canyouhelpmefixthespacebaronmykeyboard?
21. Whatdoesthatlongbaratthebottomofmykeyboarddo?
22. Never raise your hand to your kids; it leaves your lower half unprotected.
23. I wonder how deep the ocean would be, without sponges.
24. How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
25. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
26. It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say, and don't say it.
27. There are 3 types of people in this world- those who can count and those who can't.
28. Before you criticize someone- walk a mile in their shoes. That way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot.
29. I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friend wouldn't talk to me???
30. He broke my heart; I broke his PS3. Who do you think cried harder?
31. If you make something idiot-proof, He will make better idiots.
32. Life is not a Game.
33. I swear to drunk I'm not God.
34. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
35. Humpty Dumpty was pushed!
36. Sticks and stones may... Oh, gosh he has a gun!
37. You say plz because it's shorter than please, I say no because it's shorter than y