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34- "
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36- $
37- %
38- &
39- '
40- (
41- )
42- *
43- +
44- ,
45- -
46- .
47- /
48- 0
49- 1
50- 2
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53- 5
54- 6
55- 7
56- 8
57- 9
58- :
59- ;
60- <
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62- >
63- ?
64- @
91- [
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188-???
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194-???
195-???
196-???
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198-???
199-???
200-???
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202-???
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214-???
215-???
216-???
217-???
218-???
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221-???
222-???
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224-,,
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226-,,
227-,,
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229-,,
230-??
231-,,
232-,,
234-,,
235-,,
236-???
237-,,
238-,,
239-,,
240-,,
241-??
242-,,
243-,,
245-,,
246-??
247-???
248-??
249-???
5544-??
123363-??
1458-???
14585???

Seriously.

Have you got any idea what it is like to have to put up with yourself, telling one part of you to shut up when it's really what you want to hear but you tell yourself have to resist thinking such thoughts to avoid embarrassment of other people just by THINKING them??? Or how you think, wanting to know the answer of life and complex mysteries of the human heart but at the same time want to clear your mind of the smothered feel it always has by these enquiries pressing down on you until you feel like you should be in a mental hospital???

That last one wasn't a joke. Nor was the first. But the last one was evil. Seriously. One of my best mates at schools says just me ASKING 'How do we know we exist, that it isn't all a hallucination?' makes her feel SICK, yet I ask myself that every single day!!!

And how you don't know how your heart works and your brain is telling you one thing, your heart another, your stomach churns when you see or hear from one person, yet you know you like this other one??? And how your affections are firing off at all tangents and you don't know who is who, barely, and you want to listen to your heart but your brain tells you not to and you want to listen to your brain but your heart tells you not to...??

AND ALL THE TIME you can't tell anyone, not a word of it, because you fear being ridiculed like your ex-best-friend did to you, so much that you can no longer trust a single soul, never again, whilst this maelstrom spins inside you, not knowing where to turn or what to do...

AND THEN you realise that even if you COULD trust someone, you could never tell them because your pride and reputation won't let you, and you fear being ridiculed at the best of times yet your reputation CANNOT allow you even the slightest feeling for ANYONE.

And still people's faces revolve around your mind in an eternal loop, what has transpired and why it did, analyzing your life and most of everyone else's until you're so bogged down you don't know where you started and can't stop thinking yet just want to REST from this unrelenting ONSLAUGHT that is your mind.

AND your God damned teachers STILL expect you to deal with homework and detentions and lessons...

No wonder I'm confused o_O

I should try meditation.

Hey, that would actually work.

Except, don't you have to be a Buddhist, and I really don't want to- CAN'T- be non-violent and

I don't know who wrote this, but I got it off of Tifameow's Blogs ^^

boy- i missed u at school 2day, y weren't u there?
girl- yeah, i had to go to the doctor.
boy- oh realy? y?
girl- oh nothin, annual shots, thats all.
boy- oh
girl- so wht did we do in math 2day?
boy- u didnt miss ne thing that great.......just lots of notes
girl- ok good
boy- yeah
girl- hey i have a question......
boy- ok, ask away
girl-........how much do u love me?
boy- u kno i love u more than anything
girl- yeah.....
boy- y did u ask?
girl-................>silence<..........
boy- is something wrong?
girl- no nothing at all
boy- good.
girl- ..............how much do u care about me?
boy- i would give u the world in a heartbeat if i could.
girl- u would?
boy- yeah.........of course i would >sounding worried< is there something wrong??
girl- no, everythings fine......
boy- are u sure?
girl- yeah.
boy- ok.......i hope so.
girl- ..............would u die for me?
boy- i would take a bullet for u anyday, hun
girl- realy?
boy- anyday. now seriously, is there something wrong???
girl- no im fine, ur fine, we're fine, everyones fine.
boy- ............ok
girl......................well i have to go ill c u 2morrow at school.
boy- alright, bye. I LOVE YOU.
girl- yeah, i love u 2, bye.
THAT NIGHT:
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
girl- hello?
boy- hey
girl- oh, hi.
boy- y weren't u at school 2day?
girl- uh.......i had another doctor appointment.
boy- are u sick?
girl- ..................um i have 2 go, my mom's callin on my other line.
boy- ill wait.
girl- it may take a while, ill call u later.
boy-........alright, i love u hun.
very long pause<
girl- (with tear in her eye) look, i think we should break up.
boy- what???
girl- its the best thing for us right now.
boy- y????
girl- i love u.
click<
THE GIRL DOESNT COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS, AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE.
boy- hey dude
friend- hey
boy- whats up
friend- nothin, hey have u talked 2 ur ex lately?
boy- no
friend- so u didnt hear?
boy- hear what?
friend- um idk if i should be the one to tell u......
boy- dude, tell me
friend- uh....call this number....433-555-3468
boy- ok............

MY SECRET BREAKS MY HEART:

My secret writhes inside me
Like a nest of snakes,
I feel so worthless,
So cheating, so fake.
Because I can't tell you
How I feel towards you.

I wanna tell you,
But you might break my heart.
I'd like to reveal it,
But I don't know how to start.
No one else would understand,
You hold me
In the palm of your hand,
I love you.

I glance at you,
And every other time,
You look at me back,
As if I've committed some crime.
I look away, I can't tell you
How I feel for you.

I wanna tell you,
But you might break my heart.
I'd like to reveal it,
But I don't know how to start.
No one else would understand,
You hold me
In the palm of your hand,
I love you.

I meet your eyes,
But I look away.
I know I can't ever
Tell you someday.
I'd like to,
But I love you,
I don't want you ever
To break my heart.

FOR YOU:

I see you every day,
Yet can't bring myself to say
How I feel for you,
For you.
You laugh and joke and talk and smile,
You have no idea that all the while
To everyone I lie for you,
For you.
I feel I would be ridiculed,
I can't tell you; I'm such a fool,
I'm just a sucker for you,
For you.
I talk to you, but I'm falling apart.
You don't know you're the one who holds my heart,
I've given the key to you,
To you,
Given everything up for you,
For you.

.

I WROTE THESE. I RESERVE ALL RIGHT TO THESE SONGS/POEMS. COPYRIGHT WILL BE PUNISHABLE (in my own way, don't worry, I'm not going to steal anything off you or stalk you).

If you like these or feel the same way about someone special, feel free to copy/paste them. However, please change the above to this:

FACETIOUS WROTE THESE. SHE RESERVES ALL RIGHTS TO THESE SONGS/POEMS. COPYRIGHT WILL BE PUNISHABLE (in her own way, don't worry, she's not going to steal anything off you or stalk you).