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CrystalRainWillow
  1. questions and answers here....
    13th Jan 2009 22:14
    15 years, 4 months & 23 days ago
  2. Whats Up....
    5th Jul 2008 21:14
    15 years, 11 months & 2 days ago
  3. Please Read & Comment
    30th Jun 2008 16:35
    15 years, 11 months & 7 days ago
  4. March 2008
    20th Mar 2008 07:52
    16 years, 2 months & 17 days ago
Please Read & Comment
15 years, 11 months & 7 days ago
30th Jun 2008 16:35

November 2008

here is a short storie that i wrote please read and let me know your thoughts...did you like it, hate it? why?....

DEVIL'S MEADOW


The guys had been planning this camping trip for months. A big Halloween macho male bonding kind of trip. But Jack just was not sure of the location Devil's Meadow. He wasn't sure this was such a good idea. He knew it just felt wrong. But if he backed out now the guys would think he was a pansie and he would never hear the end of it. He had everything packed and was ready to go. The guys Tim, Devan and Sam finely pulled up out front it was nice that Tim had his license. Him being the oldest of the four of them. It was a good thing Tim had managed to borrow his brothers truck. It was big and black with a double cab and a large bed in the back. He tossed his gear in with the rest of the others stuff. Then climbed into the front part of the cab. When he glanced across the seat Tim rubbed his head showing Jack his new buzz cut. When Jack glanced at Devan and Sam he noticed them smirking. It was pretty funny looking on Tim especially when his head was shaped just an egg. Jack could not help but stifle a giggle. They all joked and teased him about it. He didn't mind thats the way they always did. They were a sightly bunch all of them so different in looks. Sam was the redhead with brown eyes, Devan had black hair and green eyes, Tim was blond haired with blue eyes and Jack had brown hair and eyes. They were all just country boys at heart and loved the fresh air. They had been on camping trips before and they spent a lot of their free time together. But still Jack just didn't feel right about this trip. He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. They planned to drive as far as they could then walk the rest of the way. The woods looked dark and foreboding and there was just something eerie about the whole idea. When they reached the parking spot. They all hopped out of the cab and headed around to the back. They gathered all there camping gear and headed into the woods. They knew they would make the clearing in about an hour. They followed the path through the woods. Then when they entered the clearing they looked around. They had came in past the large oak that seemed to reach out as if standing guard over the meadow. The leaves of all the trees had reached their peak colors. It looked as if they were surrounded by the leaping flames of a large fire. The clearing was almost perfectly round and seemed quiet. The boys gathered wood enough to make more than one fire. They made one in the middle of the meadow and then other smaller ones around the outside of their gear. This was a habit they had started as kids just in case any wild animals might try to roam too close. They placed the extra around the inside of so they would not have to go searching for wood in the night. They were not afraid they were just very careful. Jack dug in his pack for the matches he knew were probably at the very bottom. He found them while the others were unpacking and clearing the spots for the sleeping bags. He got the main fire started and they all set around it and rested for a little while just joking and talking. They had all heard stories about the meadow. The folklore all varied and was as old as the hills. But the boys had decided to see if they had the nerve to stay the night and to find out if any of the stories were true. They sat around the fire roasting hot dogs and having fun. It was getting darker and the woods seemed very quiet for this time of year and they took on an eerie quality. They should be hearing birds and other forest animals. But it was so quiet so very quiet. The darker it got the stranger it seemed to get. A misty gray fog seemed to come out of nowhere and hang just at the edge of the clearing. Then things really seemed to change. A low growl in the distance seemed to catch Jack's attention. But when he mentioned it to the others. They thought he was hearing things and razed him about it. As time passed Jack kept listing and began to think that maybe they were right. Maybe just maybe he had imagine it. But still in the back of his mind he wondered. Wondered just what had they gotten themselves into. Then Jack checked his watch it was getting close to around midnight. They all seemed to be having fun and joking about how they were thinking all the tales couldn't be true. After all they were there and everything was going great. Then as they were all laughing about it they heard some twigs break. Jack began to get this feeling that they were being watched but he wouldn't dare say anything for fear of being made fun of. Then just at the stroke of midnight they all heard a low growl from the edge of the meadow. They froze it didn't sound like anything any of them had every heard before. Jacks' blood ran cold just then, he knew that something very wrong was about to happen. The goosebumps ran up and down his arms and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. The were all listening. They could tell that whatever was out there was alone. Also the thing was circling them and there was nowhere to run. This was not what they had expected. Then all the sudden Tim saw some bright red eyes staring at him from the edge of the meadow. Right next to the large oak that they had passed on the way in. The eyes were too high to be a dog or animal on four feet. It was chilling they had all seen them by now. But they seemed to focus on Tim and they had him in a trance of some kind. Devan tried to shake him out of it tried to hold him back as he began to walk toward the eyes. Tim walked toward the eyes they could not stop him. But were afraid to get too far from the fire. Jack grabbed one of the limbs out of the fire that was burning. He headed toward Tim but he wasn't sure if he could catch him in time. He ran as fast as he could but it was apparent that he would not make it before Tim reached the edge of the clearing. But Jack just had to try he and Tim had been friends since preschool. Jack ran for all he was worth he had to make it. It seemed that Jack's luck was holding he made it just in time to see the creature as it reach for Tim. It was hideous never had he seen something so frighting. It was huge at least seven feet tall. Scales like a snakes covered its body they were the color of blood. Eyes that were huge and glowing, fangs that dripped saliva and these large yellowish green horns on top of its head. He shoved the fire into the creatures face even though every bone in his body wanted to run. It screamed and jumped backwards into the brush. He grabbed Tim and yanked him back into the meadow. Tim came out of the trance his eyes were fuzzy and he didn't know what had happened. They made their way back to the fire in the middle after lighting the little ones. They took turns stocking the fires to keep them burning through the night. All through the night they heard the creature circling them and growling that low chilling growl. They knew they had to keep watch and that none of them would be sleeping that night. They talked low among themselves just to make sure they had all seen the same thing. They noticed that as time passed they couldn't hear the creature any longer. Then when the first rays of dawn broke they gathered all there gear put out the fires and headed back to the truck. They knew that if they told their stories that years from now it would be just another Devil's Meadow Folktale. But they knew it was true that these woods were not safe and that they would never be caught in those woods ever again.

THE END ?


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My Rating for the Books I have readsad.gif1 - 5 stars on how well I like them)

and

Here are the ones I have just finished;

The House of Night Saga 1-4***** -- Oh you have just got to read it...I really love it (the 5th book comes out March 2009)

Vampire Academy***** -- Very Very Good waiting on #2 now will let you know

Vampire Kisses the first 4*****looking to get the 5th soon

and

The Twilight Saga*****
Loved Loved Loved them

so if you can tell yes i like vampires but i am willing to read the info on each book and then i will let you know what i think...

Thanks

and

Blessings to all



i tried to make it as small as possible it was an entry for a contest

but it did not win only took second place

i was a bit disipointed after taking so much time on it

115 years, 5 months & 1 day ago 4th Jan 2009 15:37
 
Tips:
- Try to use paragraphs more clearl as text was a bit dense
- Maybe try to include more similes and metaphors?

It was great at keeping you guessing and ins suspense thopugh!
115 years, 6 months & 21 days ago 15th Nov 2008 08:48
 
Great Crystal i loved it good job gives ya big thumbs up
115 years, 6 months & 22 days ago 14th Nov 2008 18:58
 
cool
115 years, 6 months & 22 days ago 14th Nov 2008 16:25
 
I love twilight too
115 years, 6 months & 23 days ago 14th Nov 2008 02:09
 
that story was was good shame it didn't tell us whatnit was but it is a mystery isn't it.
115 years, 6 months & 28 days ago 8th Nov 2008 10:24
 
  1. questions and answers here....
    13th Jan 2009 22:14
    15 years, 4 months & 23 days ago
  2. Whats Up....
    5th Jul 2008 21:14
    15 years, 11 months & 2 days ago
  3. Please Read & Comment
    30th Jun 2008 16:35
    15 years, 11 months & 7 days ago
  4. March 2008
    20th Mar 2008 07:52
    16 years, 2 months & 17 days ago