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runningblood5
  1. SHOW MIDDY LOVE
    7th Jul 2010 14:46
    13 years, 10 months & 25 days ago
  2. i resently broke my leg sign my cast??
    1st Jul 2010 15:49
    13 years, 11 months & 1 day ago
  3. ~GUESTBOOK~
    29th Jun 2010 09:03
    13 years, 11 months & 3 days ago
  4. please help the world is dead
    25th Jun 2010 14:34
    13 years, 11 months & 7 days ago
  5. another poem for sombody i love darly
    18th Jun 2010 13:24
    13 years, 11 months & 14 days ago
  6. Elisheha how i adore you
    17th Jun 2010 16:09
    13 years, 11 months & 15 days ago
  7. My new story!!!!
    15th Jun 2010 16:03
    13 years, 11 months & 17 days ago
  8. open to anyone[chat room here]
    10th Jun 2010 14:36
    13 years, 11 months & 22 days ago
My new story!!!!
13 years, 11 months & 17 days ago
15th Jun 2010 16:03

chapter 1
--------------------
I ran into the door and I told my mother about the new girl at school.I began to talk very soft to loud and then fast to slow.And my mother told me to calm down and go upstairs and take a shower,after that,to get ready to go to the Crab Shack for dinner.Meanwhile,I went downstairs and told my mom that I am ready to go,she grabbed her hat and we headed out the door.

Chapter 2
-----------
When we got to the Crab Shack the waitor came.I ordered the lobster and fish bucket,My mother ordered the shrip and chip dish.She began to ask me how I am doing in school and I talked about how there was a girl with grey blue eyes that is very quiet and pops ot of nowere.And she was curious and said for me too try to talk to her.I replyed ok i will try.

Chapter 3
------------
That night I went for a late night swim in the lake and I saw the girl that I was talking about eirler that day to my mother.I tryed to talk to her and she just dissapeared on me,so I went back home and changed took a shower and went to bed.

Chaper 4
--------
The next morning I woke up the birds were singing,and the door bell rang.I got up brushed my hair and got my robe and shoes on.Then in a rush,I ran down stairs and opened the door.It was the girl who I was talking about the previous day.She was covered up in 3 sweaters and a pair of pants.I looked down and saw blisters and sores on her feet,her feet were litteraly black.She asked to see my mother and I yelled her name and she came.Meanwhile,I ate breakfast and got ready.My mom came back with neaklaces in her hands and i said"what are those discusting things?"Their neclaces,I boght them from the little girl because she said her family just came from China and cannot pay for rent or food,besides they were only 10 cents each,My mother said.Oh,I replyed.Later that day I went upstairs and sat down with a pen and paper and thought'if that girl just came from china she would not be that white.And I wrote white body but black feet.I conteued to think and I wrote down layered clothing because in china it is hot and they would wear summer clothing.I wrote accsent differ because she sounded American not Chineise.

Chapter 5
--------
Then my mother came in and i quickly hid the paper and pen under my sheet,got my stero remote and turned on music.And my mom said'what are you doing?'Oh im not doing anything i repyed,just listening to music.Oh,ok then I will be out front gardening if you need me my mother said.Ok,will do I relplyed.My mother left the room and I was releved.The next day I woke up extra early,took a shower got dressed,did my hair,put on my makeup and got my school books ready.I went down stairs,ate and went out the door.I walked out of the yard,past the orchard and onto the dirt road.I walked and out of nowere the girl poped up and said"hi"I gasped and said"you nearly killed me you need to not do that."Oh ok" she replyed.We finhnaly reached the school yard and i said"Best wishes on your first day see you around."Same she relpyed.As I walked threw the big doors,I saw a white hallway with light blue rusted lockers.I held my books tightly in my arms,and headed down the hallway.I walked threw the 3 doors and finnaly there was this janitor and i asked him were 2b was and he said what are you doing her hunn this school closed in 1978 and i knew all of the students that went here.I said what,wait do you know a girl that is very very short about 3"9 and she has black hair,blue grey eyes?Um,yes that is Helen Crostice,she is like30 smthing now why?No,no reson thanks though i replyed.No problem try the high school down the road though.he replyed.

Callumxvt
If you can, Fly to Boston on October the 1st. The agents will be waiting for you.
113 years, 9 months & 26 days ago 6th Aug 2010 23:45
 
Yes, I really think if you don't delete this everyone is going to die. No one wants to read this crap.
AND GET SPELL CHECK, PLEASE.
113 years, 10 months & 23 days ago 9th Jul 2010 17:22
 
There are some places where people are talking with speech marks and others without. Wth???
113 years, 10 months & 27 days ago 5th Jul 2010 21:08
 
Totally agree with kittykittydaisy.
Terrible writing.
113 years, 10 months & 27 days ago 5th Jul 2010 21:08
 
Ugh.
Umm, have a few pointers:
???The school is closed but it still has a janitor?
???Chapters are atleast 5-20 pages long, stated by Starlingwood. This, also stated by gergele, this is/barely a quarter of a chapter.
???Grammar and punctuation are wrong. Not to mention spelling. And one really noticeable thing, spaces after ALL punctuation.
???Many people can write better than this. Please, it was very terrible. Tweak something up and make it atleast somewhat good before posting it on the internet.
???Everyone has their own opinion. People think this is bad, but you do have the right. I think, that you should FIX IT if people don't like it. Because, as I said, and many others said, it is terrible and they can do better. If they think that, use it as a clue and think, "Oh. My writing is bad? I should go and fix it."
That's what many, or probably all or close to all writers do.
113 years, 10 months & 29 days ago 3rd Jul 2010 19:55
 
God.

That was horrible. Please delete it now or you will kill us all.
113 years, 10 months & 29 days ago 3rd Jul 2010 13:27
 
:S
113 years, 11 months & 4 days ago 28th Jun 2010 18:36
 
This made my eyes bleed as I read it.
Puncuation,grammar,and the plot are all horrible.
Oh,and why does the school have janitor if it's closed?
113 years, 11 months & 6 days ago 26th Jun 2010 19:52
 
Err. Chapters are 5-20 pages long. What you just wrote is probably about 2 pages for 5 chapters.
No offence but I can write way better.
Learn punctuation please.
=D
113 years, 11 months & 6 days ago 26th Jun 2010 18:14
 
The school closed, but thered still a janitor
-__-
113 years, 11 months & 6 days ago 26th Jun 2010 03:36
 
  1. SHOW MIDDY LOVE
    7th Jul 2010 14:46
    13 years, 10 months & 25 days ago
  2. i resently broke my leg sign my cast??
    1st Jul 2010 15:49
    13 years, 11 months & 1 day ago
  3. ~GUESTBOOK~
    29th Jun 2010 09:03
    13 years, 11 months & 3 days ago
  4. please help the world is dead
    25th Jun 2010 14:34
    13 years, 11 months & 7 days ago
  5. another poem for sombody i love darly
    18th Jun 2010 13:24
    13 years, 11 months & 14 days ago
  6. Elisheha how i adore you
    17th Jun 2010 16:09
    13 years, 11 months & 15 days ago
  7. My new story!!!!
    15th Jun 2010 16:03
    13 years, 11 months & 17 days ago
  8. open to anyone[chat room here]
    10th Jun 2010 14:36
    13 years, 11 months & 22 days ago