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rehtsethewriter

Activity Log

The one problem with giving away all your LE's...

20th Apr 2014 08:45

12 years, 2 months & 13 days ago

<3 EEG- Thanks for participating!

4th Apr 2014 10:36

12 years, 2 months & 29 days ago

<3 EEG- FINAL EVENT- Angel Vixen and 500k Giveaway

3rd Apr 2014 10:16

12 years & 3 months ago

<3 EEG: Event 3- Art Contest!

2nd Apr 2014 10:30

12 years, 3 months & 1 day ago

<3 EEG: Event 2- Draw! Giveaway!

1st Apr 2014 09:56

12 years, 3 months & 2 days ago

<3 EEG- WRITING CONTEST! Le/mp, item prizes!!

31st Mar 2014 13:37

12 years, 3 months & 3 days ago

<3Early Easter Giveaway Event Log *COME HERE*

31st Mar 2014 08:30

12 years, 3 months & 3 days ago

POST 1- EARLY EASTER GIVEAWAY (PREPERATION)

30th Mar 2014 21:48

12 years, 3 months & 4 days ago

2013 Jack O Lantern Pictures

31st Oct 2013 15:17

12 years, 8 months & 3 days ago

Greedy Gurtrude Log Attempt #2

29th Sep 2013 21:11

12 years, 9 months & 4 days ago

rehtsethewriter 7 Comments

Opinion on fight scene I wrote?

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 20:01

Hello ,

So I am completely new with writing fight scenes and have trouble with the most basic stuff. I was just wondering if you would mind reading this excerpt (from a rough first draft) of a basic fight and maybe let me know what it needs, what's good, etc.

Thanks

I put any reluctance behind me and run towards him. He stands his ground, until the last moment, and sends a left hook my way.
I side step but his strike finds my mouth. I stagger back and wipe the blood from my split lip with the back of my hand. He???s faster than I thought.
I throw a punch. He catches hold of my arm, brings it up over his shoulder and twists it. I cry out in pain, and am involuntarily sent back first into the uneven concrete.
???You are letting your emotions get in the way,??? he states firmly.

What is this, a lesson? I pull myself up, ignoring my screaming muscles and stiff joints. I shift my weight forward, plant my feet on the ground and wait.
He strikes left. I turn out of the way, and then drive my elbow into his stomach. He grunts, and backs up. Just as I think I???ve gained ground he grabs my abdomen with both arms and pushes me backwards a few feet. I lose my balance, grab for his arm, but miss. I fall back onto the metal bench, hitting the back of my head.
???Are we done yet???? he asks, panting as much as I am. I take a moment to catch my breath. This is impossible. I can barely touch him.

That's not the whole scene but it gives you an idea. Constructive criticism welcome. XD

I get what you mean. It definitely could use something more. I would love to see what you would add. Every bit helps

Oh and do it whenever you can manage. I am heading off to bed now anyways.

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 21:17

Hmmm, I'm not sure. I think it is written quite well;; except I also think it is missing something of the sort. Everything flows - just. I think it could be slightly less choppy though. Add more detail to make it more realistic. More emotions to bring the story alive. More adjectives so I can actually visualize whats happening. Very vague advice - I can write some bits in for you after I've done my homework though. cx

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 21:07

made the changes

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 20:27

thanks

I am absolutely awful with grammar so I appreciate when people point out my mistakes.

I'm glad you enjoyed it

It was pretty difficult for me to write. To satisfy you're curiosity it is sort of a lesson. The man he is fighting is his father. The main character is sort of approaching it from a place of anger, while his father is calmly fighting him off. Almost patronizing him.

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 20:17

It filtered my Na.zi. c: Oops.

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 20:12

Well, till =/= until. So change till to until. c: It's not the shortened form (which is 'til). A comma after this in "What is this, a lesson?" Comma after ground. Lose instead of loose. No need for the capital H in "He asks,"

After attacking your grammatical errors, (sorry, I'm a bit of a when is comes to serious writing) I enjoyed the scene very much. c: Kind of interested to know if this is a lesson.

14 years, 4 months & 3 days ago

28th Feb 2012 20:10

Page of 4

The one problem with giving away all your LE's...

20th Apr 2014 08:45

12 years, 2 months & 13 days ago

<3 EEG- Thanks for participating!

4th Apr 2014 10:36